Wednesday, November 18, 2015
Many people say the reason they can't adopt is because it costs too much. Here's a few things we've learned along the way that have saved us a bundle!
1. There are many, many grants available for families in the adoption process. Yes, it takes a little more time and paperwork to apply, but so worth it!
2. Adoption Tax Credit- http://tax-credit.adoption.com/
3. Fundraising- there are so many wonderful ways to fund raise, from auctions to events to garage sales...people usually want to help!
Also, foster care is typically FREE. In fact, often foster care parents get paid to do the training and receive a month stipend to help offset the costs of raising the child.
How to Help with Medical Costs
Adopting a special needs child can come with the fear of covering long term medical costs. We figured we'd have a running bill with children's hospital forever! We have been shocked to discover that there are lots of options out there: financial assistance, grants and special insurance included. Since Maggie has come home, she has had private speech therapy, more doctor's visits than we can count to the surgeon, dentist, geneticist, ENT, pediatrician, international adoption clinic etc., plus a major reconstructive surgery of her mouth. How much of that have we paid for out of our pocket since she came home 2 years ago? ZERO. ZERO DOLLARS (with the exception of sick visits at the pediatrician). Here's how:
She qualifies for BCMH here in Ohio, which is Bureau for Children with Medical Handicaps. They have covered medical care related to her cleft. http://www.odh.ohio.gov/odhPrograms/cmh/cwmh/bcmh1.aspx
She also received services from Help Me Grow, a program in our county for children under the age of 3 to help children who are developmentally delayed. It's FREE and they come to your home!! Many counties offer similar programs.
Our children's hospital has financial advocates who help families know what help is available. Our advocate has been such a Godsend, she has helped us receive financial aid, along with various grants- not just for Maggie but all our kids. Amazing!
We also have taken advantage of United Healthcare's Grant. You do NOT Have to be a United Healthcare member to take advantage (we're not!). They have helped pay for medical bills for our kiddos, such as Ben's surgery to have his tonsils removed and Allie's occupational therapy. Another Godsend! http://www.uhccf.org/
Of course, some of these things are dependent on income, how many kids are in your family and whether you're eligible. And services/programs vary by county and state. But they are definitely worth looking into!
Sunday, November 15, 2015
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
Sunday, November 8, 2015
Disclaimer: This is a mixed up mess of my random thoughts and things I've learned from our church, adoption support groups, songs, etc. Any mistakes are purely my own, and anything that sounds remotely wise can be credited to people much smarter than me.
Today is Orphan Sunday, again. It's a day dear to my heart because it brings much needed and deserved attention to the children who need a family. Here's a great short video describing the purpose of the day:
Orphan Sunday video
It's true that many kids have been adopted since Orphan Sunday last November. Hundreds, maybe thousands, thankfully. But an equally important fact is that there are millions who were not adopted since last year. Millions still waiting, equally deserving.
I love the song "Hosanna" by Hillsong United. An excerpt and link to full song:
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
We so often say, "Oh that's so sad. That breaks my heart." But does it really? Does that breaking of our hearts lead to a change, a bold perseverance of doing something about it? I've often prayed for hearts to soften towards adoption and foster care. But lately I've felt the Holy Spirit revising this. He doesn't just want our hearts to soften, but for them to CRACK WIDE OPEN to the point that we can't help but be moved to action.
Adoption is hard. Often times we only see the "sunshine and rainbows" aspect of adoption, when the forever family is together in a smiley moment. But being adopted often means kids grieving the loss of their biological family. They have likely been through things we can't imagine. God wants us to join them in their brokenness and show them God's love. Meet them right where they are and just BE with them. God is clear on what he wants from us:
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (James 1:27)
"I will not leave you as orphans. I will come to you. (John 14:18)
It's easy to see the statistics about the orphans as merely numbers. But we must remember that behind every number is a face, a story, a human being that is just as loved by God as our biological children are. I often ask myself how I would feel if I was unable to care for my children and they were in an orphanage alone. I imagine my sweet boys left in a crib for hours a day with no one to smile at him, hug him, play with him. No one to show him that he MATTERS. That's the way to get my heart to just BREAK. If that were the case, I would be desperate for someone to see them and step out in faith for them. For all the children needing families, there are unseen birth families behind them hoping desperately for someone to help their child. As much as I love my children, God loves ALL CHILDREN. And they deserve a family as much as our kids do.
Here's where it gets sticky. I have heard people say many, many times that they would love to adopt if they could. But they want to provide a certain life for their children. A life that includes a certain level of cushion, comfort, travel, extra "stuff". Why do we have this viewpoint? This is a worldly view for sure, but not of God at all. Those distractions and temptations of the world are not what we were put here for. I promise you, you won't miss all those "extras" when you hold a child in your arms who was former an orphan and is now your son or daughter.
God wants us to be awake and alert to what Satan is doing in this world. And one of the things Satan does is convince us that our comfort, control and security is more important than the people down the road or across the world. Today and everyday, let's pray for hearts to crack, fears to fall and eyes to be opened wide. I pray for boldness to lift us into action. I pray for hands wide open and willing to do His will and His work. We miss out on so much when we let our fears and ways of the world determine our steps. But when we give Jesus the reigns and let faith carry us, miracles happen.
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
Jesus didn't by-pass the needy. He came to them, walked and ate and lived alongside them. He wants us to get dirty, to roll up our sleeves and jump in. Take a risk with our time, our talents, our treasures. And by sacrificing more of ourselves, we get to have a little taste of what it was like for Him. So let's ask, are we filling ourselves up with the wrong things? Big houses, busy schedules, vacations... these things trick us into thinking they should come first. But none of that lasts. But inviting a child into your family, that lasts forever.
Jesus is enough. He will fill us daily and give us what we need. The more we give out, the more He'll refill us with the patience, wisdom, and endurance we need every day. It's very true, none of us can adopt or foster on our own. But with God at the wheel, there's no end to what we can do. He is our source of power and will sustain us. Taking this step means the world will look at us differently. Some won't understand what we're doing or why we're doing it. And that's okay, we'll be steadfast in our faith. (1 Corinthians 15:58)
I love that we have a God who stands up for the meek, the needy, the poor, the fatherless. God always wins, and I always want to be on his team. Saying we can't adopt because it's too hard, it's too expensive, I don't have time, I just couldn't do it... those aren't truths. God's Truths are to "Love God and Love One Another" (Luke 10:27) and that's all we need to focus on. The rest will fall into place, because He is faithful and will do the work through us.
I dare us to be bold. I dare us to be counter-cultural. I dare us to make people think we are crazy by opening up our homes, our lives, our hearts. That's the stuff that changes the world. When we play it safe and stay in our comfort zone, life passes us by. Let us be rooted in the Word and not the World. When we read the Word, believe the Word and then LIVE the Word, God will redeem. And we can be a part of it!
Holy Spirit, stir in us. Make us start to feel uncomfortable. Call us to do your work despite our fears and excuses. Help us to say yes to God and no to the norm. Help us to move forward even when we're scared to death and we don't know what we're doing. Make us brave.
"... for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill His good purpose." Philippians 2:13
What is in the back of your mind? What is the Holy Spirit whispering (or shouting!) to you? What "crazy" idea is God waiting for you to say yes to? Instead of over-analyzing it, if you HEAR it, then TRUST it, and MOVE.
I can tell you from experience - it will be hard. Harder than you can ever imagine. And it probably won't turn out the way you had planned. But it will be good and rich and satisfying to lean into God in those times and be carried through by Him. And there is nothing better than having a front seat to God's amazing power of redemption for that little boy or girl that you said yes to!
You are not alone. You are a treasured child of God and He sees you and He loves you. "But you, God, see the trouble of the afflicted; you consider their grief and take it in hand. The victims commit themselves to you; you are the helper of the fatherless." (Psalm 10:14)
It's not about MY strength, MY control, MY plan, MY abilities, MY desires. Frankly, it's not about me at all. It's all about letting God do His thing through me. And as one of our pastor's says "When I think something can't be done, I'm short-changing God's power." (David Smith, Northstar Church)
Kings and Queens lyrics:
Little hands, shoeless feet
Lonely eyes looking back at me
Will we leave behind the innocent to grieve?
On their own, on the run
When their lives have only begun
These could be our daughters and our sons
And just like a drum I can hear their hearts beating
I know my God won't let them be defeated
Every child has a dream to belong and be loved
Boys become kings, girls will be queens
Wrapped in Your majesty
When we love, when we love the least of these
Then they will be brave and free
Shout Your name in victory
When we love, when we love the least of these
When we love the least of these
Break our hearts once again
Help us to remember when
We were only children hoping for a friend
Won't you look around
These are the lives that the world has forgotten
Waiting for doors of our hearts and our homes to open
If not us, who will be like Jesus
To the least of these
If not us tell me who will be like Jesus
Like Jesus to the least of these
Boys become kings, girls will be queens
Wrapped in your majesty
When we love, when we love the least of these
Then they will be brave and free shout your name in victory
We will love we will love the least of these
We will love the least of these (Repeat)
Friday, November 6, 2015
We needed time and change. We had been feeling an urge to change churches, which was a really big deal for us. We couldn't explain it, but finally gave into the urge in January. Now looking back over the past year, I can say "Ooooohhhhh, now I get it!" Yep, God knew what he was doing when He called us to our new church. It's been a fresh start for us, a re-awakening that we didn't even know we needed. Our new church is also so close now that we walk or bike most Sundays, and the kids go to church with friends from school. It's pretty neat and we're feeling more connected to the community we live in, and we're very thankful for that.
We also needed time. For the past 10 years, Jeremy and I have either been having babies or bringing home babies. Ben was 15 months old when I got pregnant with Sam. Sam was 5 months old when we started the process to bring Allie home. Allie was not quite 2 when we started Maggie's process. We were always planning for that next baby, which kept us busy to say the least. But I like busy, I like projects, to-do lists, things I can accomplish.
But after Maggie came home, we clearly felt God telling us to STOP. Not necessarily stop forever, but stop for now. And that was really hard for me, not because I wanted another baby- in fact I was pretty sure I DIDN'T! - but because it's so hard for me to be still. To just be where I am, fully present with no big plan to work on other than regular life. I get bored and restless. But I knew that I had to restrain and be more comfortable in a quiet place. To hold back on dreaming about that next baby or some other next big thing in our lives. It's hard, but also really good for me. I've enjoyed more one-on-one time with each kid, more time to read, take naps, etc. I continue to have to be very purposeful in that surrender.
Honestly, I went to that place of surrender kicking and screaming at first. I would lay awake at night wondering why we had to stop, there's so much more that could be done. Were we supposed to adopt again? Were we supposed to move? Was I supposed to go back to work? My mind was all over the place for a while, but I kept hearing God telling me to just be still.
Looking back, amazing things have come from that surrendering. I now have 4 mornings a week to myself while all 4 kiddos are at school. I am giddy to have a little bit of time to myself for the first time as a parent. We've also been able to address some needs of our kiddos and are seeing some positive progress. It might sound silly, but addressing some ongoing problems and getting help for them feels really good.
Allie was diagnosed with sensory issues, which explains a lot about her behavior struggles. We spent the summer going to a wonderful Occupational Therapist who helped us help her to cope with daily life and her emotions better. We also spent time with a fantastic counselor who helped us get a better window into Allie's broken heart and how we can help mend it a little bit more. We're also praying like never before for her. And boy does it feel good to report that the progress she has made is amazing! She went from a child who cried at the drop of a hat over nothing to a child who is more joyful and content. To be clear, she's not "fixed", those struggles may never be completely gone. I think she'll probably always wrestle with all that she has been through, but now we're much more equipped to handle that and help her.
***Side Funny: We've always been super open with both our girls about their adoption stories. Allie can repeat her story verbatim. But yesterday she told me that she was born in an airport in Michigan and is telling her friends that fact. Um, no, my dear. You were born in Korea and you were escorted home to an airport in Michigan. :) :) :) Funny, but clearly demonstrates her lack of true understanding of her story.
Maggie's speech delay was becoming more alarming by the day. There was just very little progress and by the time she was 3, she had the speech skills of maybe a 15 month old (that's probably being generous). But we're thrilled to report that she qualified for speech services at our local preschool (same building where Allie attends kindergarten) and is on an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) that will better address her needs. She is even riding the bus ( oh yes she is and she LOVES it ) and is finally, finally starting to show some steps of progress. It's going to be a long, slow process for her, but we're so thankful for the peace we've been give knowing she's in the right place. She has literally come alive since starting school 3 weeks ago, so independent and confident. Comparing that to the terrified baby in the orphanage crib 2 years ago and WOW. God is so good.
So much focus has been on the girls in the past few years and their very big needs. Our boys are affected by that of course, but have mostly handled it all very well. Having the time to slow down, though, and just enjoy them has been precious. They are getting to the age that we are hesitating to share too many details about their private lives. They deserve privacy. So while I'll refrain from going into their specific details, I'll say that there are some things they struggle with in their lives too and we are of course 1000% behind them every day. They are blossoming in their own ways and I'm so lucky to be their mom.
Thinking back on all of that, I totally get why God told us to not consider another adoption or any other big "thing" in our lives since Maggie came home. We had a whole lotta big things going on right inside our home. Those big things aren't going to just disappear, we'll always have to deal with them, but now I feel like we are getting a better hold on things. It's been so amazing to see prayers answers and burdens lifted. We also needed time for ourselves, both in our marriage and personally. Frankly, we needed to rest!
I'm chuckling to call where we are "restful" because every day is insanity with 4 young kiddos. Let's be real -someone is always sick, hurt, crying, pooping, hungry or mad. There is always a mess and always someone who needs something. We are exhausted by 8pm. But it's restful in comparison to adoption paperwork, trip to China, cleft surgery,etc., that's for sure! And we wouldn't trade any of it.
I don't know where we're going from here, only God knows that. What we're sure about is we want to live our lives according to God's will for us. I don't know if He'll lead us to other "big" places or if this place of "rest" is our new normal. Either way, we're okay with it. Regardless, we're very grateful for the healing that's happening in our house, for the peace coming with it, and for this sweet time with our babies.