Looking Back - Giggles & What Day is It?

Here's are 2 more posts from our look back at our China adventure with our girl:  

Giggles

Today was a much better day!  She slept in her crib last night, thankfully.  She still screams every time we put her in it, but we've found if we pat her bottom through the crib bars, she'll eventually calm down and sleep.  She kept crying in the night but Jeremy slept right by her crib so he could just put his arm in and pat her back to sleep.  She slept a good 12 hours, then a 1 hour nap, then a 2.5 afternoon nap. Thankfully Daddy is a very patient patter.  :)

We could have gone to the zoo today, but we needed some down time. We walked to Walmart this morning, which is an adventure in and of itself.  It's about a 15 minute walk and we're in a very big, urban city.  There are no words to describe the mobs of people, cars and scooters.  You have to be very alert even on the sidewalks, they just drive right up on there!  She loves being in her front carrier, it makes me feel better to have her close when we're on the streets.  I'm definitely not a city girl, it's crazy out there!  

We spent most of the rest of the day relaxing in our room, watching movies and relaxing while she slept.

We went out to dinner tonight with our group.  For some reason, she loves to be at restaurants and on my lap. That is when she is most alive.  She giggled and babbled and interacted with us more than ever tonight and it was just the best thing to see. She does this cute thing when she's playing where she puts her thumb in her ear, wiggles her hand and says "rah-rah".  So cute!  I love to see her coming more alive!!

She still is content in our arms/lap and not so happy when we put her down.  Here's what happens when we put her down for a second:

Snug as a bug in her carrier.  When she falls asleep in there she sinks way down and you can barely see her.

Conked out after our big outing to Walmart.

All dressed up today in a bow her big sister picked out.

Pretty profile.

 Sleeping hard.

All smiles and giggles at the restaurant!

Loving this time with our girl.  She is the best and we're so lucky to be her parents!

From November 15, 2013:

What Day is It?

Oh my heavens, surely we have been here at least a month already. We barely know what day it is, they are all blurring together. 

Most of my posts have been centered around Maggie, of course, and our time here. But I have to give major kuddos to Ben, Sam and Allie at home.  They are used to me being at home 24/7 with them.  This is a major upheaval to their little lives and I'm so proud of them for rolling with it.  And we're so thankful to our parents and siblings for being surrogate parents to them until we get home.  We're Skyping every day, but it just doesn't replace being able to have them in my lap and smell their skin.  I find myself daydreaming of just smelling their necks!

Today was our last day in Zhengzhou, the capitol of the Henan Province where she's from.  We basically had to be here today to wait for her passport to come in, which it did this evening.  We took a walk this morning to a nearby park we had heard about, it was a little piece of heaven in the middle of this chaotic city.  It was warm enough to not have jackets on and it was so nice to be outside. We also stopped at a jade shop and bought her a keepsake piece of jade (made locally) with a dragon on it, the zodiac sign for her birth year.  Funny to bargain with the shopkeeper with just a calculator!

We went to the pool for a few minutes tonight, but other than that we just hung out again.  I won't be sad to say goodbye to this hotel room tomorrow! 

Maggie is full of ups and downs.  She overall had a pretty cranky, tired day.  But she sure does love being in her baby carrier on me.  She leans her head back to inspect my face and sometimes gives me a smile or lets me tickle her neck. I love those moments when she's just relaxed and being silly.  When we get back, though, it's like someone pushed a switch, because the moment we set her down she screams. Loud. Until we pick her back up. I'm starting to wonder if Allie somehow prepped her on how to act, because this is EXACTLY how Allie was. For about the first year. Ugh.

She hates:
diaper changes
getting dressed
getting a bath (because it means she's not being held)
going to bed
being in the stroller

She loves:
her bottles of hot formula
her mom
her dad
being held.
being held.
being held.
oh and she had her first sucker today which was a big hit.

Oh and she seems to only poop when she's supposed to be sleeping, thus once again instigating the screaming while being changed then screaming to go back to sleep routine.

I'm not exaggerating when I say she has literally been down on the ground playing no more than 3 times total since we've had her. She just won't do it.  Whenever we try, even if we're sitting right NEXT to her, she screams.  I feel like I'm going to leave this hotel with my head hanging in shame, surely everyone has heard how much she has cried and thinks we're neglecting or hurting her! No folks, I just set her down so I could pee. Or I'm just changing her diaper.

Another thing we've noticed is that she's not used to having the freedom to do what she wants with her body.  She'll often just stay in whatever position I put her in. When I learn her back for her bottle, her legs just stick straight out instead of relaxing against me.  She doesn't know how to be held on my hip and curve into my body.  She doesn't feel free to get up from a sitting position and crawl around-even though she is capable.  These are all signs that she spent a lot of time in her crib and not out being mobile and getting attention.  We're really lucky that she is responding so well to us and is bonding so well despite not being used to this kind of care.

She really does remind me of a much younger baby. She wakes up and wants a bottle.  Will hang out on our laps /being carried for 1.5 to 2 hours, then gets fussy for a nap.  Wake and repeat.  She doesn't have much stamina at all and needs to sleep a lot so far.  Which is great except getting her to sleep is a long process that involves a lot of butt patting. 

If it sounds like we're getting weary it's because we are.  We left home 10 days ago!  7 more to go. 

Yet in the midst of feeling weary, she continues to crack out of her shell a little bit more each day.  Tonight she didn't cry as much at bedtime and for the first time explored her crib. She normally just flops down to scream until she passes out, but tonight she traveled around the perimeter, played with a toy we have attached (so good to see her actually play) and then she starting cackling out loud!! It was so precious.  Big, giant huge cackles.  Something was really funny about the wall next to her crib, I don't know what it was but we sure loved hearing that sound. 

And the smiles and interacting with us are coming more freely than before.  This morning while Skyping the kids, she was babbling so they could hear her, which was so awesome.  Up until now she just sat and stared at them.

She's still pretty reserved, quiet and scared. I can't imagine what all she's been through, and tomorrow she'll take her first flight and has to readjust to a new hotel room, crib, etc.  But her eyes are SO bright and lively, they don't miss a thing.  I can't wait to see her really let go and be free!

There is a little boy at a group foster home here in China named Christopher.  I fell in love with him when he first arrived at the home over a year ago (maybe longer?). I follow their blog and Facebook page and he is just precious. He has a very serious heart condition and had a big heart surgery today that did not go well.  He is very unstable and very sick.  Please send prayers and good thoughts his way. He is a precious little boy and I pray he recovers and goes on to find his forever family.

Her favorite place to be.

The sucker helped her forget she was in the stroller. Will have to remember this trick.

Her poor little body just stays in whatever position I put her in.

First time in a bathing suit! Look at those chunky legs.

Looking Back - A Tough Day

One year ago today:

A Tough Day

Well, the honeymoon is over.  :)  Yu Fei is having a hard time.  She has decided that unless we are holding her and preferably swaying or patting her then she is going to cry.  She didn't sleep much last night at all. She absolutely does not want to be in her crib and is sometimes upset regardless of what we do. She finally slept in Jeremy's bed after hours of trying to console her.  Then of course we had to wake her this morning so we could make our big trip.

We traveled 2.5 hours by van with our agency rep and a driver to Anyang, the city of her birth.  New law here in the Henan province requires we travel to her birth city to apply for her passport.  So the 6 of us families here together had to separate out to 5 different cities... seems a little silly to me considering it took us 10 minutes and 2 signatures.  Her province is the only one that requires this.  Anyway, she slept on the way there in Jeremy's arms.

After we applied for her passport, we drove to her orphanage.  We were told it was 15 minutes away, so we thought we had plenty of time to feed her a bottle and prepare ourselves.  I wanted her strapped to me in her carrier so she got the message that she stayed with us even though we were going back to the place she has called home for the past 3 months.  But it was less than 5 minutes away and suddenly we were being ushered in while she was still eating.  It threw me off, but we tried to roll with it.  Her orphanage is a part of a big complex of buildings, some I think house senior citizens.  There are some older kiddos at her orphanage that will probably never be adopted.  They were excited to see visitors and I felt terrible walking past them.

They showed us 2 of the baby rooms, one where Maggie was.  I know 5 mommies through an online group whose little ones are currently at that orphanage waiting for paperwork to go through so they can go get them.  We were able to find those 5 babies, take pictures for their mommys, and tell them they are loved and their moms are coming as fast as they can. I also tried to give some attention to the other kids too, not knowing if they have families waiting.

 It was such a tough place to visit.  It had an institutional feel.  Very old building, dark and chilly.    The rooms are packed with cribs with only 1-2 nannies per room. They said they have trouble finding staff.  Many of the kids had the same look that Maggie had when I saw pictures of her in there.  Just bored and lonely.  It's heart breaking and very bittersweet.  I'm so glad that she's out of there, but every one of those kids deserve a family.  They all deserve a process that moves quicker to get kiddos home where they belong.  

We noticed that she showed no recognition or connection to the orphanage or the caregivers there.  She was only there 3 months, but it doesn't appear that she formed an attachment with anyone in particular.

On the long ride home, it struck me that she is losing that orphanage look.  Her skin is brighter, has more of a glow to it. Her eyes are brighter.  She took more of her bottle in my lap and just adored me with those eyes of hers while she drank.  She cried for a while and then slept most of the way home on her daddy's lap.    

She's not a special needs kid. She's just a kid. And all kids deserve a family. Praying all those little ones find their way home.

Eating continues to be a source of frustration. Solid food and baby food are not happening. She is 100% dependent on a bottle.  Which makes it hard since we can't give her a snack when she's getting fussy, etc.  

We've also noticed that she doesn't reach her arms up to us when she wants to be picked up. I don't think that they are responded to when they're at the orphanage, so they don't give cues like raising their arms because they've learned it doesn't do any good.  I can't wait for her to learn that I'll respond when she raises her little arms.  

We went out to dinner tonight and she sat in my lap and just talked to me. She's jabbering on my lap now.  She has a lot to say and is becoming more free about saying it. She likes to mimic what I do, she likes to be tickled under her neck.  As long as she has our undivided attention she is completely happy.   I'm not sure what all the crying is about. I'm guessing she has discovered what it's like to be held and loved on and has decided she wants that every second. I can't blame her, that's just what we want her to learn!  Hoping we can find a  happy medium where we can put her down some and have her trust we're not going to leave her.  She's reminding me very much of her big sister and her fears of being left. Praying we find a way to get some sleep tonight and that her little heart is filled with peace and contentment that we're not going anywhere.  

In other news, she has a really cool trick. She can put her finger in her nose and reach down into her mouth, thus choking herself. Bet you can't do that.

Our next 2 days are free as we wait for paperwork to be processed.  Another point of frustration for us.  Surely there's an adoption official who can make this part of the process quicker for those of us who are tired, trying to bond with a baby in a foreign country and have kiddos at home waiting for us.  But it is what it is and so we wait.

We're so in love with our tiny little girl and are so thankful she's in our arms.

Maggie's former room at the orphanage. Her crib was the empty one up front.

Orphan no more.

The older kids were eating lunch outside on a chilly November day.

 Walking away from the orphanage for the last time.

One Year Ago - Firsts

One year ago today:

Firsts

Today was a day of firsts and milestones.  For the first 30 hours or so of us having her, Yu Fei was VERY somber and serious. She didn't cry unless she was hungry, but she wouldn't crack a smile or show any emotion.  It really seemed like she was in shock.  She took a 3 hour nap yesterday, slept 11.5 hours last night, an hour morning nap today and a 4 hour afternoon nap!  So far she seems to be handling the transition and any grief she's feeling the same was her sister did: by sleeping.   

By mid-day today, though, we started to see some of her personality come through.  We got our first smiles out of her and giggles. Her giggle is adorable.  She likes to be tickled and teased.  She loves music and does this little twist move with her upper half when she's sitting.  We put Chinese lullaby music on the ipod, gave it to her and she was content to sit and bop to the music for a while.   Adorable.  After being literally silent for over a day, she's starting to babble and make noises. It's the best sound.  I can tell she's feeling much more relaxed with us so all these great things are starting to come out.

She seems to be doing pretty well developmentally.  She's crawling and pulling up to standing.  She can take something from our hands, bang 2 toys together, transfer toys from hand to hand.  She really surprised us when she started to clap when we did!  

She has not been flinching to our touch anymore, and instead seems to be craving it.  She is definitely bonding to both of us, although prefers me a little more when she needs to be comforted or fed.  She really likes to be held and snuggled.  She is content to just hang in our bed with us and play.  

We continue to marvel at how petite she is.  We're not worried; it's just a wonder!  Her 9 month clothes hang on her.  Yet she has the biggest budha belly and chunks and rolls.  

She loves her bottle and is doing great with it.  She's sucking on a regular nipple, much to our surprise.  I didn't expect her to be able to do that.  In fact, she has a little comfort thing she does with her mouth all the time, a little sucking action with her tongue.  She has more of a palate on the roof of her mouth than we thought, so I guess that allows her to suck. 

However, when it comes to eating solids, she isn't eating them at all.  It seems that she's had no exposure to eating solids.  We were told she has egg but we tried that and she wouldn't even open her mouth.  She has no idea what to do with a puff or a cheerio or a cracker or baby food on a spoon. She's not interested and when it gets in her mouth she doesn't know what to do with it.  In fact, the cheerios she finally put in her mouth today came out her nose.  :)  I know she'll come around with practice and exposure, I just find it very interesting, and it makes her very reliant on a bottle.  In that way, she's much like a younger baby, needing to have a bottle at regular time periods.  When she decides she's hungry, we can't get her bottle ready fast enough.  Chinese babies are used to having their formula very warm (almost hot) and that's true for her. We tried a lukewarm bottle today and she was furious!  They did tell us they put rice cereal in her formula so we've been doing that too just so she gets something else in her.  In time we'll wean her off of that and onto solids.

This morning we went back to the registration office were we were presented with her adoption certificate and her adoption was finalized in the eyes of the Chinese government.  Pretty exciting!  We also had to go to the notary office for more paperwork. I don't know what all the papers are, but our reps are awesome at guiding us through each step so we don't have to think!

We had the rest of the day free today from lunch on. It's been nice to have lots of down time to just hang out with her and bond.  Tomorrow will be a big day.  We'll travel to her birth city of Anyang to apply for her passport. It's a 2.5 hour drive and I've heard it's a very exhausting day.  We've hoping to visit her orphanage while we're there.

We've been able to Skype every day with the kiddos back home.  We miss them so much, seems like we've been gone from them forever.  And our trip isn't even half over yet!  They got to "meet" Maggie via Skype this morning.  Cannot wait till they get to meet her in person.

Meeting her siblings, grandparents, aunt and cousins via Skype.  Her siblings thought it was hilarious that she had poop in her diaper while we were talking. :)

Adoption Finalized in the eyes of the Chinese government!  She slept though it.

Finally getting brave enough to explore the room a bit.

When she gets tired she just lays down wherever she is for a rest.  

Being silly with Daddy.

Needing some bedtime snuggles.

We used laundry service today-our clothes have never been so neat and tidy!

Maggie Fei's Homecoming Video

Looking Back- One Year Ago- We Gotcha Maggie Fei!

I'll always remember the birth of my boys and those first moments with my girls.  I'm so thankful I have this record of our first day with Maggie.  I know she has come far in a year, but the pictures are evidence that she has truly been transformed. I am so proud of her for her enormous will to thrive and learn and be a part of our family. We love you so much Maggie Fei!  You are pure Joy!!!

Here she is now, what a difference a year makes:

This day last year:

One Less Orphan-We Gotcha Maggie Yu Fei!

She's ours.  Finally she's ours and she's snoozing on my bed as I write this.

First, I actually slept until 4:30am last night, which is the best night's sleep so far, thanks to Nyquil.  We met in the lobby of our hotel at 9:30am today; all 6 families nervous and jittery.  It's a surreal moment when you know you're family is about to grow, never to be the same again.  We took a 20 minute bus ride to the registration office.  As we got off the bus, we could see through the doors that 2 of the little ones were already inside.  What a moment!  Maggie wasn't there yet and I got to enjoy watching the other moms meet their little ones.  I'll never forget the look on my friend's face as she climbed the stairs to meet her daughter. It was breathtaking. 

We came into a room that was large, echo-y and very cold. No heat.  We spent about 3 hours in all in this one room.  Once the excitement died down from the first two little ones, the rest of us were anxiously waiting ours.  There were also other families from other agencies there, all of us in the same wait-mode.  Pacing, checking to make sure cameras are ready, trying to make small talk while watching the door.  I think there were 13-14 of us total.  Pretty amazing that 13 kids are orphans-no-more today. 

But it's not all sunshine and roses.  This is a very, very hard day for all involved.  Some of the little ones (seems like many of them were around the age of 2) were screaming at the top of their lungs for a LONG time.  We found out they call their orphanage caregivers Mama, so they were literally screaming for Mama and reaching for their caregiver while their forever mom watched on, longing to hold her child.  It was so hard to watch. The caregivers are kind, caring people who get attached to the children they care for.  We watched one particular family go thru this, they held their screaming new son as he reached for his nanny.  She went outside and cried, I could see her body shaking.  Later when the boy had calmed down, she was peeking in the window and taking pictures, making sure he was okay.  There was not a dry eye in the place watching this take place. 

We were prepared for the same thing to happen with Maggie. It seemed like we waited for her forever, as we watched other children come and join their families.  Finally the doors opened and in walked a nanny holding a little one reclined back in her arms; all I could see was the top of her head but I knew it was her. Jeremy and a friend got cameras ready.  I walked over and saw that she was almost asleep in the nanny's arms.  I let her give me a good look-over before reaching for her.  Amazingly, she came without peep and just leaned back and studied Jeremy and I.  She seemed to be in a daze and I could tell she was very tired. We were surrounded by friends and cameras and on-lookers and she was very out of it. 

She was dressed in typical Chinese baby fashion-very warmly!  She had a huge, puffy snowsuit type outfit on top of 2 more very thick pieces of clothing. Despite being a little puff ball, I could tell she was tiny.  Much smaller than the other little ones, who were mostly toddlers.  She looked like a little baby.  I finally reclined her back in my arms to see if she would drift to sleep.  She just studied me and within minutes the universal butt-pat/sway put her to sleep.  We sat down on a couch to study her.  She has very bright, smart eyes.  Her hair has grown out a bit from when it was last shaved (a common thing here), and she has a longer patch in the front.  We couldn't see her hands or feet at all she was so bundled up.  Her skin is much lighter than Allie's.  She has a sweet little mouth.  And of course we got a look at the tooth that has healed on the outside.  To be totally honest, it's a little hard to look at at first, and it's a little worse than we thought.  I'm not sure if it's gotten worse or if it's just hard to tell how it really is in pictures.  She has a big round lump of skin under her one nostril, and there's a large tooth in the middle of it. It looks like the tooth is sideways.  It looks kind of red and angry. Her nanny told us it gets infected and she has to have medicine for it.  I'll definitely be glad to have her checked out right away by our doctor's when we get home.  It's amazing, though, how used to it I am after only a few hours with her.

We got to ask some questions of her nanny, with the help of one of our agency reps translating.  She said she's happy and active and loves music.  She said so far it doesn't appear that anything makes her mad or sad.  She gave a bag which contained a few of the things we had sent her, a bag of formula (but no bottle) and a beautiful hardback photobook with pictures of Maggie in it.   Maggie is also wearing a beautiful necklace with her initials and birthdate inscribed on it, and she gave us the orphanage's email address so we can send pictures as she grows.  All very touching and unexpected.  We thanked her for taking care of her, and Jeremy hugged her.  It had to be hard for her to walk away from a baby she cared for daily.  I'm thankful Maggie has someone who cared for her despite being one of many babies at her orphanage.

We had to wake her to have a picture taken. Finally all the families were united, the criers had stopped screaming and we were back in the bus heading back to the hotel, very different families from when we were on our way there!  We came back and immediately took all the layers off and found her to be oh so tiny underneath.  We weighed her, and she's 16.5 lb.  She's 13 months but I think appears to look more like a 9 or 10 month old.  The 9 month clothes we brought are a little big.  Despite being little, she has chunks and rolls on her arms and legs, dimples on her little hands and the cutest fat little feet and seems healthy despite a little cough.  We sat her on our bed with toy keys and a book.  She was very content to sit and play for over an hour!  She was very quiet at first, but later she started to make little noises.  We were rubbing her skin and she almost seemed to flinch at first-I don't think she's used to being undressed and being touched without all those layers on.  We got 2 tiny little half-smiles so far.  She was very serious but not upset.  Just studying us and the toys.  I gave her a Puff (a tiny baby snack) and I was happy to see she could pinch her fingers to pick it up.  She wouldn't eat it though, and wouldn't let me put it in her mouth. I don't think she has had much table food at all.

Finally we could see she was getting tired, so we got her first bottle ready.  We were prepared for this part to be difficult; we had tried to get the nanny to explain how she fed her with her cleft lip/palate, but the info got lost in the translation and we didn't get a bottle from them to see what kind she used.  We used a regular bottle and nipple we brought, but cut the hole bigger as our doctor had advised so she doesn't have to suck as hard.  I was surprised that she guzzled 2 bottles in a row with no problem and was able to suck on the nipple much more than I thought she was going to be able to.  It was interesting, though. Since her palate is open, formula streams out her nose as she eats and breaths and it's very messy!  She got mad when I stopped to clean it up.  When she was full, I put her to sleep in my arms again, which is a great thing since they told us she usually goes to sleep on her own in her crib rather than have someone rock her, etc.  I was happy she felt comforted by me. I tried to put her in her crib once she was asleep and she was not happy about that! So she slept on my chest for a good while, then next to me on the bed. In fact, it's been over 3 hours and she's still asleep in the same position.  Poor baby, what a big day for her.  We're not big on letting our kids sleep with us, but hey, it's her first day with a mom and a dad. She can sleep wherever she wants!

So that's our first few hours with her.  We'll see what the next days and weeks bring.  So far she is inquisitive and calm, but we know from experience she could be tricking us! (Ahem, Allie!)  It was an easy transition since she wasn't screaming, but we also need to be cautious; this should be a hard time for her, she should be grieving.  We want her to go thru that so she can properly bond with us.  So keep those prayers coming for our little Yu Fei!

We are so tired, what an emotional day!  Plus I have finally gotten the yuck that Jeremy and the kids had last week-sore throat, cough, etc. I have almost no voice and feel pretty crummy. Thankfully we brought meds with us and I'm really hoping this is short-lived.  We have more paperwork tomorrow, then Wednesday we have a long bus-ride to the city of her birth, Anyang.  There we'll have to apply for her passport and I'm so hopeful we'll be able to visit her orphanage. We'll keep posting as long as internet allows!

Here's what you all have been waiting for: pictures!

Her nanny.

Sound asleep.

How cute is this little body? 

You can see her Mongolian spots on her back, typical birthmarks for Asian little ones.